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Another Advice and Theory Post

As you probably already know, I can philosophize on findom and domination all damn day. I often find Myself writing blog-sized answers to random questions in findom groups on various websites. Sometimes the things I write seem like things others might want to read (just read it, dammit lol) so I have decided to post some here at times to "share the luv." I am not going to reveal the name of the person who wrote the original questions and I will be paraphrasing what they wrote. The questions I am answering actually came from multiple new findommes but I have ONE answer and am posting it here in its original entirety, with its MIXTRIX typos and all (I'm famous for my typos-did you know this? lol)


Here is the question being asked (it is paraphrased and combined):

I'm new to finDomming but I had one finsub that just kinda vanished after several months. I'm seeing lots and lots of Dommes seem to focus on being cruel and stuff like that. Sure that can be fun, but my style as a Domme is more cute and grateful about it. I sometimes feel like I don't have anything good to offer subs because people are so focused on the other mean domination style. I don't know what to do about it. I am not sure what finsubs are looking for and I am really new to this.

and here is My response:

Well, what I personally have found (and this will sound obvious to you once I say it) is that what pretty much ALL subs are looking for is control. Now what this means to each sub differs wildly. there will be some who simply feel the pull of being controlled by you because your pictures are pretty and made them WANT to interact with you or show appreciation for the effect those pics had on them mentally.

BUt the reason you see so much of what you think of as a meaner style is because it is often an effective way to show that controlling nature that many subs relate to and crave.

It being domination, many subs will view it as controller (you) and the controlled (sub). Now this of course makes complete sense because we are talking about DOMINATION. Findom without domination is simply a sort of worship. It might be that you are less about dominating and more about being worshipped. many findommes THINK theyre into domination but what theyre more into is being shown appreciation and worship for being the awesome woman they are-and THIS IS COOL TOO! It might make them less of a dominant in a sense and more of a IDK, Goddess type female who wants to be shown appreciation for her Goddesshood. maybe thats the way to frame your domination, idk

Now, if youre a domme who doesnt like to be part of a controlling dynamic but still want the gifts then youre going to have a harder time finding subs, because, well, theyre looking to be controlled. This is okay!

But here is reality of any situation. the more limits and parameters you put on what youre willing to do the harder it is to find the people who fit into those parameters. THIS IS NOT ME TRYING TO ENCOURAGE YOU TO BE MEANER-not at all! I am just saying if you have bigger limitations on what YOU do then you will find the group willing to enjoy that dynamic grows smaller. This is not a bad thing! It is just common sense of course. The thought is that the more different YOU are from the norm, the more different the SUBS have to be to from their norm in order to serve you. This just means of course that you cater to a more specific type of sub because in theory youre a more specific type of domme. BUt it also limits who might be willing to serve.

I do NOT recommend doing anythign you dont like or find appealing JUST to make some money. Now it is possible over time you will grow to appreciate the other styles of findom that you mentioned and will grow into wanting to explore them more (this is very common for many of us). The thing to always do though is stick to your guns as far as what actually appeals to YOU- Just know that if you find a limited amount of things appealing, it narrows the pool of compatible subs for you (this is really common sense if you think on it for a sec of course). So do not worry, just think of it that way.

Youre exclusive- you know what YOU want and are willing to engage in. your subs have to be that way too and youre willling to wait for subs who understand this. nothing wrong with that!

Just know that being yourself is always good. Take everything with a grain of salt. And if for any reason the things I am saying do not appeal to you or ring true to you, thats okay too! this is YOUR life and YOUR game to play as YOU see fit! always stick to your guns and dont worry if no one is feeling what you do-youre EXCLUSIVE, always remember that!

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